The Special Charm of Quaker Ceremonies

Photographed by Caroline Moretz of Birke Photography.

A few weeks ago, our team attended our first ever Quaker ceremony at Kali and Brian’s wedding in South Pomfret, Vermont! As this couple developed their ceremony procedures, we learned so much working with them to bring into fruition their perfect wedding day. One thing that immediately stood out to us at their wedding was the strong sense of community. As a result, for this week’s blog post we thought we’d share a little bit about Quaker ceremonies in the hopes that they inspire other couples to think of ways that they can bring more community into their own celebration.

As wedding planners, we spend a LOT of time with each couple we work with throughout the year, months or weeks leading up to their wedding day. This allows us to truly get to know them on a personal level so we’re fully equipped to translate their personalities and desires into what is seen and touched on the day-of. Because of this, we have built longstanding relationships with these couples, becoming a part of one another’s community. In the day and age of social media, we are also much more able to keep in touch with these individuals and watch them grow as they reach past different milestones of their lives.

With that said, here are some insights into what a Quaker wedding actually is like and what makes it so special!

Quaker wedding procedures

Quakers are members of the Religious Society of Friends. Simply put, a quaker ceremony is a self-uniting ceremony involving a couple formally announcing their commitment to each other before God, their families and friends without the presence of an officiant. This is because Quakers believe that only God can join a couple in marriage, making the presence of a church official unnecessary.

Typically, a marriage license from a courthouse is still necessary but there is a special kind of license available in some states like Pennsylvania and Colorado which allows couples to marry themselves. This self-uniting marriage license is typically associated with Quakerism but anyone can opt to use it!

Oversight Committee

After a clearness committee approves of the proposed marriage, a small oversight committee is formed to handle planning arrangements for the ceremony and reception, acting as a supportive unit for the couple. They will work closely together and sit with the couple facing family and friends during the ceremony.

The Ceremony

Typically a Quaker ceremony will begin with a period of worshiping in silence together as a group. Then, once the couple feels ready to exchange their vows, they stand and do so then sign a Quaker marriage certificate, which is read aloud by a loved one and signed by all those present as witnesses. This is then followed by another period of silent worship where anyone can stand and share a heartfelt message for the couple, ending with a nod or a handshake from a committee member.

Reflecting on the Wedding

What we found truly beautiful at Kali and Brian’s wedding was that the couple’s most beloved offered memories, best wishes, ideas, advice, and stories in celebration, sharing a wide range of personal anecdotes on marriage and love for the couple to absorb.

It was also especially wonderful watching guests sign their wedding certificate, emphasizing and reinforcing their commitment to each other. Getting to keep the signed certificate forever will serve as a reminder for both of them of the amount of care, love and belief that was present for them on their wedding day.

The way their whole community showed up in support of their union and was directly involved in the development of their commitment to one another and their love was beyond memorable and we couldn’t have been more honored to spend the day with them! 

In one way or another, sharing couples’ special day together and being so closely involved in its creation has made everyone, including us, a part of the community that the couple trusts and holds closely - as love and marriage transcend every religion, background, culture, and history itself.

Vendors Pictured

Photography: Birke Photography; Florals: Cedar Circle Farm; Entertainment: Peak Entertainment; Rentals & Decor: The Linen Shop, Green Mountain Tent Rentals; Stationery: Studio Lane Ltd. Co.; Event Planning & Styling: Ehmann Events.